Tuesday, May 5, 2009

A bunch of words and a lot more thoughts!

1. Has anyone seen or heard from my friend, Kari Colson? She moved to NC in the summer, and we were in contact until mid-September. The next time that I called her, her phone wasn't receiving calls, and then her number was changed. I have emailed everyone I know who knows her... have tried to contact her family members, etc. but no luck. I am just putting this out there, so in case someone knows a way to get in touch with her, they can let me know.

2. I have debating on whether or not to write about my struggles with conceiving a baby because of the fact that I have had many people tell me that it is a private issue that shouldn't be spread about. I have to say though, that I really feel like I need to share my story, because then you, the readers, can pray for Slim and me, and maybe I can be an encouragement to you as well... so here goes.

Slim and I have been married since September '07.
Because I knew that I had some previous issues, we decided that we were going to try to have children right away. After about 6 months of trying, I saw my gynecologist and he put me on a medicine to regulate my cycles. Well it didn't work the first time (which he had never seen) so he had me take the medicine for another round. It didn't work that time either. He had me come into the office and let me know that he had no answers for me as to why it didn't start a cycle for me. He told me that he couldn't help me any further but recommended that I see a fertility specialist.

In the summer of '08, Slim and I had our first appointment with the fertility doctor. I was excited to find out what they had in store for us. Sadly the time there was cut short when we found out how expensive it would be to have Slim go through the process along side of me. We prayed about it, and decided that we would keep trying on our own because we know that it is totally in God's hands and He can and does work miracles. We tried on our own for the next 6 months, and then I had another gynecologist appointment. At this appointment, my doctor told me that he would let me try a few months of Clomid(a drug to help induce and strengthen ovulation). I am on month 3 of Clomid now and still no babies.

Here are some things that I have learned over the past 20 or so months.

A. People say weird things because they don't know what else to say:
During this time I have had many people say things like
"It will happen when you stop thinking about it." Let me just say that stopping thinking about it is impossible. If you have ever dealt with fertility, you know that not thinking about it doesn't ever happen. You think about it constantly. You think that you are broken. You ache for babies. You feel like everyone besides you is pregnant, etc.
"I found out I was pregnant and I am so mad." I have actually had someone, who knows me well, and has known that I have been trying to get pregnant say this to me. I am sure that she meant no harm, but I still wanted to scream at her. I am not mad at people when they are blessed by being pregnant (I have heard other ladies say that anytime someone else gets pregnant they get jealous and mad) I don't get that way, but if you tell me that you are upset you are pregnant, then I might get mad.
"It will happen when God wants it to." DUH, I am not stupid, but that doesn't mean that patience is easy.
"Can I speak frankly to you? You are pregnant!" I had to go to the emergency room at the end of March because I was having terrible abdominal pain and for some reason the doctor thought that it would appropriate to 'make the joke' that I was pregnant. It was pretty much the worst ever!

B. Just because you cannot get pregnant, doesn't mean that you should adopt.
I truly believe that you need to have a heart for adoption, as the process is rewarding, but is also very difficult. I have heard people say, and have read on people's blogs that if you cannot have kids then you should just adopt. Slim and I totally want to adopt and we know that no matter what, we will begin that process at the beginning of next year. We have decided together that we are going to spend the rest of this year trying, with the Clomid for a few more months (they don't recommend you taking it for more than 6 cycles) and then on our own through December. I am not the type of person that feels like if I never have a baby out of my own womb that I won't be able to be complete, but that doesn't stop me from hoping and praying!

C. Another thing that I have learned is that unless you have experienced it yourself, you cannot understand the pain of month after month realizing you are not pregnant again. There are always going to be people who get pregnant the month they stop preventing, and I don't hold that against them. It is such a blessing that they didn't have to deal with the difficulties of not being able to conceive. My realization is if you haven't had to deal with it, please don't say "I understand."

All of this to say, deal with me if I get moody, let me vent if I need to vent, share your story with me, hope with me, and most of all pray for Slim and me!

15 comments:

Greg said...

Laura, thanks for sharing this I know that it was hard. If you want to borrow Gracie I'll let you :) Would that be considered one of the dumb things people say?

Kate said...

Hey sweet lady,
I just wanted to say thanks for being open and honest about all that you are feeling. It takes a lot to be present with all of the feelings you are having.

I love how much you are able to desire life-new life, at that- in the midst of pain and struggling. What a picture of redemption in you, and in what you have to offer other people.

You have so much to offer this world with your nurturing spirit, and it pains me that you have to struggle at all. You will be such a great mom. I will certainly be keeping you guys- as well as your future babies- in my prayers.

The Herrenbrucks said...

Definitely praying for you and Slim. Praying that God will be glorified in whatever avenue He takes you down. I know that wasn't easy to share... but I admire your honest and open heart. Let's get together soon.

It's The Bullocks said...

Thanks so much for sharing lady! I'm so glad that you opened this up to everyone because prayers can never hurt.

I know you will be the best mom ever whether it's to biological kids or adopted kids.

I love you with all my heart!

Sheri said...

Great post laura! We'll keep you in our prayers as I LOVE to pray for babies!

I like this sentance:

" My realization is if you haven't had to deal with it, please don't say "I understand."

That is so true! I think it aplies to A LOT of life's circumstances.....(I am reffering to my struggles with my little Sammy:))

The Busy Bee said...

Laura,
first off oops I posted as Ash B and deleted it! Woops i'm a ditz!

1. I miss you a lot :(
2. Peoples stores are probably one of the things I love most...so thank you so much for writing this, I truly appreciate it and I really appreciate you as a friend, just so you know. You're amazing.
3. I know me saying silly cheer up things is lame-o and since I hate lamo-o things I wont say any. Justin and I will be praying that you and slim and blessed with a wonderful beautiful healthy baby and have been.
4. oh and I think the reason why people say things like they wish they werent pregnant (or anything negitive) is while it IS meant to be that they have a baby (if they are pregnant) its just something that they are not passionate, about like you are...so i guess maybe think of it like this...

to them (in the opposite situation) I think it would be like like you telling them you got a promotion at work (this would granted be A HUGE one- to equal a baby), and them being like thanks a lot i've wanted that more than anything forever...

i think thats the best way I have to figure people out! Hope thats some help to understand the things people say that hurt feelings.

5. I love you and if you ever need anything, no really, like cupcakes or tea time or anything at all i'd love to see you asap.

Miss you lots
<3 you,
Ash

The Arnold Family said...

So is it dumb to keep asking if there's any news? That's just my way of saying I'm thinking about ya. xox

Laura said...

Heather... Haha- absolutely not! Greg, we love Gracie, but yes that was a dumb thing to say.

Thanks for all of your sweet words. You are all blessings to Slim and me!

Art Teacher said...

I love you so much...remember at your bridesmaid tea when I cried like a baby? I'm doing that right now. I know that writing this was a big deal for you and I'm so glad you did it...this could be the beginning of something BIG.
God loves you and Slim so much He's "particularly fond of you" and just you wait friend, I know His plan will knock your socks off.
Just one thing, can you and Slim move here so that when it does happen we can be part of it? I would hate to not be part of it!
Did I mention that I love you?
Libs says "Wah" she loves you too.

Terri said...

Can I just say PRECIOUS ... PRECIOUS ... PRECIOUS !!! I love your heart. We have been praying for you and Slim fervently. Please let us know what we can do for you and specifically how you want us to pray.

You will be a wonderful momma someday to one of God's precious little ones. I can't wait to celebrate with you and we are praising God ahead of time for what He is going to do !!!!!!!

Jessi said...

Oh how I wish we lived in the same place:) This is how it would go:
1.Go to lunch and discuss "female issues"
2.Share some cake for dessert and feel better.
3.Go buy make-up and feel MUCH better.
4.Give hugs as needed and know we are not alone, we are VERY strong and we are learning so much about ourselves and what God has planned for us.
See how great that would be? Also, thank you for always supporting me by reading my posts and writing encouraging words. We are always praying for you guys:)

It's The Bullocks said...

I remember when Carly cried, and why do you think I couldn't say a word at the Bridal shower? I KNOW for a fact that I would have been bawling the whole time!! You are so loved my dear!!

Erika said...

Hey Laura, i ck ur blog everynow and then and wanted to let u know that we will be praying for u and Slim and for God's will to be done. I pray that you & Slim will be blessed with a child soon :)

Jessica said...

I love you sweet friend! Dustin and I have been praying for you and Slim! I am so proud of you and for your honesty. You are amazing my friend!

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